When a man and a woman are joined together in marriage, their union is meant to last until the death of one of them. When couples are dating, they can stay for a very long time without having disputes and if they have any they are easily solved. But when partners get into marriage union that is when they discover each other’s true colors. People can fake their character while dating but it only lasts for a short while because when they are married they can no longer fake it.
Trouble starts when one partner discovers that the other partner behaves in a way that he or she cannot tolerate. The partners may have discussions aimed at solving their problem but then a time comes when the matter gets out of hand and the partner who feels offended opts to file for a divorce, which is a devastating family transition. This paper will focus on the causes of divorce and its effects on family members.
Causes of divorce
Divorce can be due to unfaithfulness of one partner, violence and irresponsible behavior such as alcoholism. There are many other reasons that may cause a divorce but regardless of the reason both partners are negatively affected.
Considering the time they have spent together, both partners feel humiliated because they now have to start from scratch while they know the sacrifices they have made for their marriage to have come this far. For husbands it is very stressful because if there are any children that were born in that marriage they are most likely to remain under the custody of the wife.
According to Clarke-Stewart and Brentano (2007), when the family is finally split into two, the husband feels very lonely especially if he was not the one who caused the divorce to take place. If the children are still with their mother, he feels lonely after the day’s work because he has no one to talk to considering that it is during such times that friends are hardly available.
He struggles to remain composed because if he shows any sign of weakness there will be no one to provide a shoulder to lean on. This is because the society in general has a perception that men are stronger than women but this is only true in physical perspective. If he continues to reside in the same area that he lived with his family he may become the subject of ridicule which may cause his self esteem to decline.
Effects of divorce on husbands
Finding another marriage partner may pose a great challenge to a man who has gone through divorce if he lives with his children. This is because there are very few ladies that would want to get married to a man who divorced his wife. They might think that he has a problem and that is why his wife decided to quit. Moreover, the man has to look for a lady who will love him and his children which is very rare to happen.
In most marriages it is the husbands who own most of the family assets and one of the clauses in divorce act states that a couple has to split their assets equally when a divorce is in progress. This may hurt the husband greatly if he was the one who made great contributions to their investment. What hurts them the most is that their wife may and is allowed to use her portion with another man and there is nothing he can do to stop her.
Effects of divorce on wives
The wife is also affected by divorce when she thinks of the time she has wasted in a faulty marriage. She thinks of the sacrifices that she made for her husband such as declining offers that she thought would keep them apart so that she could be with her family. In addition, she regrets over having declined requests from other men for the man who did not appreciate all the efforts she made and the risks she had to go through.
Ackerman (2005) explains that most women prefer to remain single after a divorce especially when they have children because they fear that their new husbands will mistreat their children. In addition to that, she does not trust the men who pursue her because she feels that they are only interested in satisfying their sexual desires.
If the woman is not financially stable she may have to do odd jobs in order to meet the needs of her children. Some may even turn to prostitution which poses a great danger to their lives because they can get infected with sexually transmitted diseases. If the children are old enough, they may not be happy if their mother decides to move on with another man.
Effects of divorce on children
Children are the ones who suffer the most because they do not understand why they have to live separately with one of their parents. They lack love from one of the parents which traumatizes them and this may affect their performance in school. Furthermore, divorce may cause children to be transferred from one school to another.
This is a big challenge to them because they have to find new friends and get used to a new neighborhood. If the partner who stays with the children is not financially stable the children may feel offended when he or she is not able to provide for them the things they are used to. The absence of one partner may make the children to feel unsafe and when the stress becomes intolerable they may decide to seek consolation by using drugs (Clarke-Stewart & Brentano, 2007).
In conclusion, divorce should be the last option for married people hence they should first consider the consequences that come with it. They can live together for the sake of their children because they are the ones that hold them together. In fact most couples do not live together because of love but for children’s sake.
Ackerman, J. M. (2005). Clinician’s Guide to Child Custody Evaluations, Hoboken, NJ: John Willey and Sons.
Clarke-Stewart, A. & Brentano, C. (2007). Divorce: Causes and Consequences (Current Perspectives in Psychology). New York: Yale University Press.