The problem of the formation and stability of the family is one of the main problems of modern society. Family, family relations, marital relations have been and remain the object of studying various sciences: philosophy, psychology, pedagogy, sociology, demography, etc. Such attention to the family, its formation and disintegration, is due to its great importance as a social institution that determines the way of life of people and the quality of offspring, the health of the nation, and the state.
Many family problems arose not yesterday and not today but have existed for a long time. Single-parent families, divorces, marital conflicts, issues of loneliness existed in the past but did not attract such close attention. In addition, people themselves have become more demanding in love, spiritual closeness, and mutual understanding. However, marriage does not guarantee a person complete happiness, the resolution of all problems at once. Marriage is about building relationships with a spouse, children, and relatives every day.
The process of building relationships at the beginning of life together is essential, that is, mutual adaptation is necessary. The adaptation period is an obligatory stage of family formation, which lasts for years or may be short. The adaptation of spouses involves psychological and emotional closeness, establishing contact between all family members, determining the rules of communication, and living together. Most people take marriage seriously, but not everyone manages to keep a family together and cope with conflict situations.
In modern society, most people have changed their attitude to divorce, believing that only it can be a way out of the circumstances. The main reason for divorces of young families is unpreparedness for the difficulties of family life. After the wedding, the young people begin to live together and get to know each other better, revealing all the carefully hidden shortcomings before marriage. In addition, the reasons for divorce include adultery, incompatibility of characters, bad habits, lack of own housing, and so on. There is always a way out for people getting married – it is divorce if they are not satisfied with family life.
Often spouses resort to divorce as the primary source of solving their problems, sometimes those that are surmountable. In this case, divorce is the result that people could not overcome the crisis in family relations or did not even try to do it. However, divorce can also be a long-awaited release from a painful relationship, an opportunity to start a new life and meet a more suitable person.
Human relations are a fragile concept, which costs the expenditure of a large amount of mental strength. It is moderately easy to lose a loved one, and saving a family is painstaking and daily work. The expediency of remarriage is a controversial issue that can be discussed and pondered. Still, the author of this work adheres to a definite and unambiguous opinion, which is the thesis statement of this work. Divorced people should be remarried despite social, economic, and psychological challenges because they are likely to obtain marital satisfaction, functional relationships, and happiness.
The Main Reasons for Divorce
Before proceeding to the essence of remarriage, it is necessary to dwell on the consideration of the main reasons for divorce.
- Infidelity. Extramarital affairs are the reason for the collapse of most marriages. Often common causes of infidelity are differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy (Abdulrahman and Alamri). Infidelity usually begins with a seemingly innocent friendship that begins as an emotional affair but later becomes a physical affair.
- Money. Money problems can lead a marriage to break up because they make people anxious, and the family fades into the background. According to divorce statistics, the “last straw” for divorce is financial incompatibility. Often, one of the spouses earns significantly more money than the other causes conflict in the family (Abdulrahman and Alamri). Obviously, for many couples, money and stress go hand in hand, thus destroying the integrity of the relationship.
- Lack of communication. Communication is crucial in a marriage, and the inability to communicate typically leads to both spouses’ irritation and frustration (Abdulrahman and Alamri). It affects all aspects of marriage and is also the main reason for divorce because constant communication is necessary for a favorable atmosphere between spouses.
- Unrealistic expectations. It is easy to get married with high expectations and imagine that the spouse and marriage will exactly match the idea of what they should be. These expectations can significantly strain the other person, making both spouses feel disappointed and set up for failure.
- Domestic violence. Violence in marriage is not uncommon today, and this is precisely the case when it is necessary to leave immediately. Violence in families occurs when irritation, anger, and resentment, not finding a way out, reach a critical level and enter a person into a state of passion. Unfortunately, most often, such a situation in the family is a vicious circle that can be broken only decisively and radically.
- Irreconcilable contradictions in views on life. When getting married, many people do not bother to discuss important life-changing issues among themselves: where to live, how to share responsibilities and manage the family budget, whether to have children and how soon. As a result, very often, views diverge, and none of the spouses wants to compromise. Everyone tries to bend the other, and as a result, people do not just get divorced but turn into bitter enemies.
The cornerstone of all human problems, including those related to the inability to build family relationships, is the psychological immaturity of the individual. It manifests itself in unwillingness and failure to take responsibility, refusal to rely on oneself, search for external sources of emotional and material comfort. One of the consequences of personal immaturity is egocentrism, which gradually but inevitably corrodes marriage (Abdulrahman and Alamri). Thus, there are many reasons for divorce, some of which relate to circumstances, and some are the fault of the people themselves.
Cons and Pros of Remarriage
By definition, remarriage relations arise due to the collapse of a family or the death of one of the spouses; if there are children left from a previous marriage, their parents try to create new families. Most of today’s families represent some form of remarriage, for example, a registered remarriage or cohabitation of partners with native and non-native children. Society’s attitude to remarriage is ambiguous and depends on whether a person is divorced or widowed. The features of remarriage are most often ignored, which creates a lot of problems, as a result, two out of three remarriages break up (Hawkins, Willoughby, and Doherty). In a newly formed family, there are difficulties in adapting spouses to each other and new conditions.
Naturally, remarriage differs from the primary family, not being worse or better, but being completely different and existing under other circumstances. Although the author believes that people should remarry after a divorce, it would be wrong to omit the disadvantages of remarriage.
- When, for some reason, one marriage fails, fears associated with the past and worries about the future accumulate in a person’s mind. People are afraid to find themselves in a similar situation again and make the same mistakes (Bibiaghdas and Eskafi). It is how convinced loners appear because it is not easy to eradicate these fears without the help of a practicing psychologist.
- The wedding ceremony itself now causes other, perhaps even contradictory feelings. It should not repeat the first one, and now many women refuse wedding dresses. The traditions are more modest and do not cause the same storm of sincere feelings, and some people are in no hurry to register a remarriage (Bibiaghdas and Eskafi). Living with a person together, under the same roof, they conclude that it is not necessary to get married.
- A habit of comparing appears, and if both current spouses are related by remarriage, the comparison is on both sides. The husband compares the actions and qualities of the spouse with those of the previous passion, and the wife does the same (Hawkins, Willoughby, and Doherty). If the comparison is not in favor of the current life partner, quarrels cannot be avoided.
- There are more responsibilities, and although they were in the first marriage, now we have to react to life’s vicissitudes in more “adult” ways, and actions need to be done deliberately.
- Having children from the first marriage makes it difficult to build new family relationships, another model. Parents may disagree on parenting issues, and then quarrels and misunderstandings arise (Hawkins, Willoughby, and Doherty). Insults and scandals are companions of relationships in families where children and parents could not accept and fall in love with each other.
According to the researchers, the first marriage is vital for forming stable, reliable family and marriage relations, and this applies more to men. After an unsuccessful first marriage, a man’s confidence in the likelihood of creating a happy family is low (Crowley). It turns out to be a good experience for women since they often successfully use the experience in a new marriage, and its stability is becoming increasingly high (Bibiaghdas and Eskafi). The most challenging aspect of remarriage is the relationship between the children and the “new” parent.
Several empirical patterns are characteristic of intra-family relationships in remarriages. Firstly, spouses who have lived together for more than seven years express greater freedom in punishing and encouraging non-native children compared to those in such families for less than three years (Yang and To). Secondly, stepsons adapt better than stepdaughters: girls get along worse than boys with relatives and non-native parents. Thirdly, the relationship between a stepmother and her adopted children is the most complex and unpredictable. Finally, fourth, the closeness in the relationship between stepdaughter-stepson and parents decreases when children enter adolescence (Yang and To). Thus, there are many problems and difficulties associated with remarriage, which should not be underestimated when deciding on such a step.
Despite the disadvantages, remarriage does have many advantages that are worth mentioning.
- The choice is made consciously because when entering into a remarriage, a person analyzes the qualities and behavior of a new spouse. Building a relationship model before allying, a person sees the differences between a partner and themselves, understands where there are similarities and where there are discrepancies (Widiastuti).
- The experience of living under the same roof with another person, even if negative, is also an experience. It is not always easy to learn from one’s own mistakes, but it is possible not to repeat them in the future. Remarriage can be seen as a chance to build a new, harmonious relationship.
- A man and a woman who has remarried have already taken place professionally. When very young people create a family, they can only guess how their future fate will develop (Widiastuti). The position in society is already occupied, and people can devote energy to the competent construction of a family union.
- People with experience of life in marriage understand that relationships are the work on themselves and not one continuous holiday (Crowley). Positive changes will bring a positive result, but it will be required to work hard for this.
- The ability to plan long-term prospects appears in the second marriage (Widiastuti). Since both personalities are mature, they understand what they want to achieve and go in this direction.
Thus, couples who remarry, most often have already decided in life, have some material benefits, judgments, and views on life. In addition, having already had the experience of married life, remarriages usually know how to properly build relationships with the family of their wife or husband (Crowley). People who remarry know how to create a comfortable distance in these relationships without offending anyone (Bibiaghdas and Eskafi). In remarriages, the choice of a partner is carried out sensibly, carefully, taking into account his and his advantages and disadvantages, compatibility of interests and needs. A man and a woman, logically speaking, should not decide on a second marriage if they find the candidate has the same or similar shortcomings that the first husband or wife had.
The basis of the second marriage, as a rule, is conscious sympathy and not emotional enthusiasm, as in the first. It is almost possible to insure themselves against disappointment since there is experience and opportunity before marriage to test each other for psychological compatibility and emotional satisfaction with spending time together (Widiastuti). It is not easy for a woman to get a second spouse, especially if she has children (Yang and To). A man also gets a second wife through doubts, reflections, fears, and an assessment of the probability that everything will work out this time. In particular, a man should be sure that he can be a good stepfather to the child of his beloved and go for it consciously.
Why Should People Remarry?
Remarriage is desirable for both women and men if they remain single. Statistics show that the life expectancy of single people is less than that of family people. The mortality rate among unmarried men is 2.5 times higher than among married men, and single women die 1.7 times more often than married women (Mangarun). According to the researches, the mortality rate of single people in all countries is twice as high as that of married people, 3.3 times in Japan, 3.1 times in Romania, etc (Mangarun). The same applies to single women; however, mortality is less pronounced here – especially at the age of 20 to 40 years, but it increases at the same rate as in men.
It turns out that marriage is also a matter of longevity, a condition for maintaining health and efficiency. Therefore, a second marriage is vital, and loneliness is contraindicated for men and women, especially after 40 years (Mangarun). According to researches, almost every person plans a new family after divorce at different times. Indeed, the rate of remarriage is different for everyone, as are the personal reasons for it. The most optimal reason for remarriage is the desire to create a family.
People are social beings who are adversely affected by loneliness and isolation. The primary and most crucial human instinct is not sex but the need for safe intimacy and strong relationships that can be provided by remarriage. For most people, the most terrible trial is to be left without the support of relatives, friends, loved ones, their attention, and empathy (Mangarun). It is assumed that people left alone will stop taking care of themselves, fall into a deep depression and lose interest in life in general.
In addition, remarriage can give a lonely person the love that they desperately need. If they look at this feeling from the side of medicine, then endorphins appear in the body at the moment of its origin, causing euphoria and happiness. Love and support are needed for motivation and self-confidence, allowing a person to achieve high results. Even if the first marriage did not end too well, a family is necessary to feel comfortable. In the family, values are divided, support can always be found in the circle of loved ones, and the family contributes to the growth and development of personality. A person should not be afraid to remarry, as a family gives person self-confidence and is a resource that helps to overcome difficulties.
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